Search billions of records on Ancestry.com

Tombstone

Epitaphs

Working on a power line he got a jitter,
now he's a little black crispy critter

Shirley B. Gone
I TOLD you I was sick!

Here lies the body of Margaret Bent
She kicked up her heels
And away she went

She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her

Here lies John Yeast
Pardon him for not rising

Master Gracey laid to rest
no mourning please at his request

Barry A. Live
Here he lies
BUT HE NEVER DIED!

Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go

~~~~~~~~~~~~

CELEBRITY HEADSTONE EPITAPHS
.
Tim Allen
My casket was crafted with the Binford 4000!
Arrhhh arrhhh arrhhhh...
.
Marcus Allen -- It was a good run.
.
Woody Allen -- Too Soon, Soon Ye.
.
Laurie Anderson -- Ta Da with Dada.
.
Tom Arnold -- Is the afterlife as Rosie as they say?
.
Rowan Atkinson -- Bean There, Done That!
.
Bob Barker -- Come on down!
.
Chris Berman -- HE - DID - GO - ALL - THE - WAY!!!
.
Mr. Blackwell -- You can't go wrong in basic black.
.
Terry Bradshaw -- No more time left on the clock.
.
Marlon Brando -- But I want seconds.
.
Mel Brooks -- Carl still stinks!
.
Jim Carrey
And if I don't see you later,
Good afternoon, Good evening, and Good night!
.
Drew Carey -- Drew was drawn.
.
Johnny Carson -- Here's Johnny!
.
Johnny Cash -- Because you're mine, I sleep in pine.
.
Chevy Chase -- On permanent vacation.
.
Cher -- If I could turn back time...
.
John Cleese
No, I'm not!
Oh, is this the 5 minute or the 10 minute argument?
.
Bill Clinton -- He quit inhaling.
.
Glenn Close -- It really was a Close call.
.
Phil Collins -- He took me home.
.
Sean Connery -- Unshaken, unstirred.
.
David Copperfield -- The ultimate disappearing act.
.
Bill Cosby -- God? Nah, who is it, really?
.
Kevin Costner -- Dances with worms.
.
Rodney Dangerfield
I still don't get no respect.
There's a sprinkler pipe running through my coffin.
.
Steven Spielberg -- That's a wrap.
.
Tom Cruise -- My head actually weighs 8 pounds.
.
Billy Crystal
I'm not dead yet, there's an Oscar show next week.
.
Jane Curtin -- Had her final Curtain call.
.
Dom DeLuise -- Dom dom de dom.
.
Robert DeNiro
Who are you looking at? You looking at me?
.
Celine Dion -- Held that note too long.
.
Mike Ditka -- Oh, when the Saints go marching in...
.
Richard Dreyfuss -- Goodbye, girl.
.
Bob Dylan -- Everybody must get head-stoned!
.
James Earl Jones -- I felt the force, Luke.
.
Anthony Edwards -- Clear! Oh, s**t.
.
Linn Elliott -- He couldn't even kick the bucket.
.
George Foreman -- Make that sandwich to go...
.
Jodie Foster -- No more Contact.
.
Jeff Foxworthy
If the grass above me is 6 feet tall,
I may have been buried by a redneck.
.
Dennis Franz -- Ipsa this.
.
Peri Gilpin -- Putting things on hold.
.
Jerry Glanville -- I'm taking those tickets to Elvis.
.
Whoopi Goldberg -- We'll take Whoopi in the center plot.
.
Kelsey Grammer -- The doctor is out.
.
Hugh Grant -- What the hell was I thinking?
.
George Harrison -- Please refrain.
.
Anthony Hopkins -- Those fava beans weren't fresh.
.
Eric Idle -- Say no more.
.
O. J. Simpson -- Still looking for Nicole's killer.
.
DeForest Kelley -- I'm dead, Jim.
.
Larry King -- Larry King Live was pre-recorded.
.
Kevin Kline -- You can't call me stupid anymore.
.
Spike Lee -- "X" marks the spot.
.
Jack Lemmon -- Moron!
.
Jay Leno -- Keep Your Chin Up!
.
Monica Lewinsky -- Fell into the Gap.
.
Rush Limbaugh -- God called the loan.
.
Shirley MacLaine -- Back in 30 minutes.
.
John Madden -- Heaven's Ballroom Dancing Instructor.
.
Bob Marley -- The grass is greener on the other side.
.
Walter Matthau -- Putz!
.
Paul McCartney -- Now I'm really dead.
.
Patrick McGoohan -- A prisoner no longer.
.
Dennis Miller -- I'm dead. But that's just my opinion.
.
Joe Montana -- Warning! I'm the Come Back Kid...
.
Demi Moore -- Sometimes Moore is less.
.
Rick Moranis -- Honey, I've shrunk.
.
Bill Murray -- I've been slimed.
.
Mike Myers -- So? I married an axe murderer.
.
Leonard Nimoy -- The logical end to a human existence.
.
Bob Newhart -- Disconnected.
.
Paul Newman -- I've pasta on.
.
Jack Nicholson -- This is as good as it gets.
.
Nick Nolte -- Positively down and out in Beverly Hills.
.
Conan O'Brien -- Stared down.
.
Dolly Parton -- Parton is such sweet sorrow...
.
Joe Pesci
Is there any more s**t we could possibly pile on
to the top of this grave? Is it possible?
.
Tom Petty -- Into the Great Wide Open
.
Brad Pitt -- This is the Pitts.
.
Randy Quaid
Mmm mmm mmm! I don't know why they called
it Hamburger Helper, it tasted just fine to me.
.
Keanu Reeves -- So much for that "speedy" recovery.
.
Rob Reiner -- Was Meathead; Now dead head.
.
Paul Reiser -- How do they find me?
.
Paul Reubens -- I know you are, but what am I?
.
Anne Rice -- Called back for a reading.
.
Joan Rivers -- We can't talk.
.
Roseanne -- Just dead weight.
.
Fred Savage -- Was Working; now unemployed.
.
George Seifert -- Blame it on the Bossa Nova.
.
Jerry Seinfeld -- That's the last time you'll hear that line from me.
.
William Shatner -- Beamed up.
.
Will Smith -- I could have been at a barbeque.
.
.David Spade -- Digging up old friends.
.
Ringo Starr -- And the beat goes on.
.
Howard Stern -- Just body parts here.
.
Patrick Stewart -- Conversing with Number One.
.
Oliver Stone -- It's a conspiracy.
.
Arnold Schwartzenegger -- I'll Be Back
.
Patrick Swayze -- Nobody puts Baby in the Coroner's.
.
Marisa Tomei -- Her biological clock quit ticking.
.
John Travolta -- Not stayin alive.
.
Tina Turner -- Rollin, rollin, rollin down the River Styx.
.
.Mike Tyson -- He bit it.
.
.Barbara Walters -- Ba Ba Wa Wa: Not Here No Ma.
.
Robin Williams -- Truly a Dead Poet's Society founding member.
.
Hank Williams Jr. -- All my rowdy friends are here with me tonight.
.
Oprah Winfrey
Gone to greener pastures and it sure as hell ain't Texas.
.
James Woods -- So long!! (wink!)
.
Tiger Woods -- Replace all divots.
.
"Weird Al" Yankovic
"Welcome to Heaven," and Here's Your Harp;
"Welcome to Hell," and Here's Your Accordion...

Go back to the Halloween page.