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THE ALL-TIME WORST ANSWERS
Answers given to survey questions on "Family Feud:
Name something a blind person might use: A sword
Name a song with moon in the title: Blue Suede Moon
Name a bird with a long neck: Naomi Campbell
Name a famous brother and sister: Bonnie & Clyde
Name a dangerous race: The Arabs
Name an item of clothing worn by the 3 Musketeers: A
Name something that floats in the bath: Water
Name something you wear on the beach: A deckchair
Name a famous cowboy: Buck Rogers
A number you have to memorize: SEVEN
Something you do before you go to bed: Sleep
Something you put on walls: Roofs
Something in the garden that's green: The shed
Something that flies that doesn't have an engine: A
bicycle with wings
Something you might be allergic to: Skiing
Something a cat does: Goes to the toilet
Someting you do in the bathroom: Decorate
Name an animal you might see at the zoo: A dog
Something associated with the police: Pigs
A sign of the Zodiac: April
A famous Scotsman: Jock
Another famous Scotsman: Vinnie Jones
Something with a hole in it: A window
A non-living object with legs: A plant
A domestic animal: A leopard
A part of the body beginning with "N": Knee
A way of cooking fish: Cod
Something you open other than a door: Your bowels
TOP 35 OXYMORONS
35. State worker
34. Legally drunk
33. Exact estimate
32. Act naturally
31. Found missing
30. Resident alien
29. Genuine imitation
28. Airline Food
27. Good grief
26. Government organization
25. Sanitary landfill
24. Alone together
23. Small crowd
22. Business ethics
21. California Schools
20. Jumbo Shrimp
19. Military Intelligence
18. Sweet sorrow
17. Rural Metro (ambulance service)
16. "Now, then ..."
15. Passive aggression
14. Clearly misunderstood
13. Peace force
12. Extinct Life
11. Plastic glasses
10. Terribly pleased
9. Computer security
8. Political science
7. Tight slacks
6. A Definite maybe
5. Pretty ugly
4. Rap music
3. Working vacation
2. Religious tolerance
And the number one Oxymoron....
1. Microsoft Works
WOMEN'S T-SHIRT SAYINGS
Guys have feelings too. But like... who cares?
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
I hate everybody, and you're next.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later.
Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time...
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
I'm multi-talented: I can talk and irritate you at the
Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
On this site, you will find lyrics of most of the songs
that hit #1 over a sixty-year span from 1930 to 1999. You
can search by year, by artist or by title. They are
continuously adding more lyrics.
If you're into the sport of fishing, there's a search
engine built for you at the aptly named FishSearch. A
huge collection of sites and resources -- from getting
gear to planning trips to catching fish.
American FactFinder is a new data access and
dissemination system that provides useful facts and
information about your community, your economy, and your
society. The system will find and retrieve the
information you need from some of the Census Bureau's
largest data sets.
American FactFinder lets you select the data you need for
the geography of your choice from summary data files such
as: 1990 Decennial Census Detailed Files, American
Community Survey Summary Tables, Census 2000 Dress
Rehearsal Summary Files and 1997 Economic Census Summary
At Crayola's Family Play, you will find hundreds of
activities to do with your kids. Familyplay promises lots
of "fun, informative and engaging" activities
for kids. Subjects range from math to nutrition.
Trivia - Totally Trivia Search Engine
You will find 20 categories at Absolute Trivia to choose
from, inventions to people. Take some of the trivia tests
provided online. See how well you know your trivia. This
is fun site to explore and can easily spend several hours
How good are you at naming movies when given only clues?
This website compliments a twice a week newsletter. In
each newsletter issue, the editor provides clues on two
movies. You then submit your answers back to the editor.
The answers to the clues are provided in the next
newsletter as well as online. There are no prizes (yet?)
to be won. Your name goes up on the Hall of Fame board
online. Each newsletter is archived online, so if you
want to take a look at past issues before subscribing. I
registered early last week. So far I have answered three
of the four questions correctly. I was completely stumped
on the fourth question!
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and
saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the
infant's life without even considering if there is a man
~~ Dave Barry ~~
I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said
to me was, "You'll never find anyone like me
again!" I'm thinking, 'I should hope not? If I don't
want you, why would I want someone like you?'
~~ Larry Miller ~~
What do people mean when they say the computer went down
~~ Marilyn Pittman ~~
When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that
someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal
~~ Robin Williams ~~
A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and
her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution?? I sent them
to her dad.
~~ Christopher Case ~~
My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her
out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom,
they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'
~~ Paula Poundstone ~~
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four
Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then
~~ Rita Mae Brown ~~
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a
pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a
T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry
isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of
the body before you do the wash.
~~ Jerry Seinfeld ~~
The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years
without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for
them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to
fight with? Not much of a weapon there - Corkscrews,
Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past
me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off.
I've got the toe clippers right here.'
~~ Jerry Seinfeld ~~
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm
halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my
Gosh.... I could be eating a slow learner.
~~ Lynda Montgomery ~~
Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us
~~ Paul Rodriguez ~~
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be
praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
~~ Lily Tomlin ~~
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not
color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips
~~ Jerry Seinfeld ~~
In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up
quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?
~~ Warren Hutcherson ~~
"I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be
thinking up something else."
~~ Lily Tomlin ~~
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they
always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.'
On what? On fire?
~~ Marsha Warfield ~~
Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you
is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a
~~ George Carlin ~~
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared
for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought
~~ Rita Rudner ~~
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd
like some fries." The girl at the counter said,
"Would you like some fries with that?"
~~ Jay Leno ~~
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they
would not be caught dead in otherwise.
~~ Roger Simon ~~
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots
~~ Dave Edison ~~
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching
television by candlelight.
~~ George Gobel ~~
Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it
to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put
it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy five
~~ William Coronel ~~
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
~~ Oscar Wilde ~~
Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a
member of Congress ... But I repeat myself.
~~ Mark Twain ~~
[More bits of wisdom from Shelley. - shirley]
I'd like to see...
Donuts would be declared a health food.
Walking into a room and forgetting why you are there
would be a sign of genius.
Men's pajamas, sized extra large, would be considered
elegant evening wear.
Glasses & car keys would holler, "Right
here!" when you ask aloud, "Where did I put
The word "plump" would be interchangeable with
the word "sexy" and "attractive."
Teenagers would always be asking, "What else can I
do to help you, Mother?"
On long car trips, husbands would be required to
periodically ask their wives,"How would you like to
stop at that cute little shop, have some tea and scones,
and browse for a while?"
A sense of humor and a kindhearted nature would be valued
more highly than being skinny or young or beautiful.
GOT THIS FROM
LESSONS IN LIFE
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right
away that they were meant to be there, they serve some
sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help you figure
out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be; your roommate,
neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover or even a
complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you
know that very moment they will affect your life in some
Sometimes things happen and at the time they may seem
horrible, painful and unfair, but in retrospect you
realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would
have never realized your potential, strength, will power
Everything happens for a reason.
Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad
Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and
sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your
Without these small tests, whether they be events,
illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly
paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.
Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life and the
successes and downfalls you experience create who you
are, and even the bad experiences can be a lesson.
In fact, they are probably the most poignant and
If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart,
forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust
and the importance of being cautious to who you open your
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not
only because they love you, but because they are teaching
you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you
would have never seen or felt without them.
Make every day count.
Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that
you possible can, for you may never be able to experience
Talk to people you have never talked to before, and
actually listen, let yourself fall in love, break free
and set your sights high.
Hold your head up because you have every right to do so.
Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in
yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one
else will believe in you either.
You can make of your life anything you wish.
Create your own life and then go out and live it.