Useless Damn Things

 

Useless stupid boobs

 

Hanging on my chest, dead weight

that never gave suck...

No baby ever drew life from them.

 

Cut them off! What good are they anyway? Damn things.

 

Stupid useless uterus.

 

Dead weight waiting inside

making me wonder about

cancer and death lurking in my cells

 

Cut it out! What good is it anyway?

 

What good is my body?

 

This betrayer of my dreams

doing what it wants

leaving me with empty arms

aching heart, never-living children.

 

What kind of woman am I? No

child to carry, nurse, console.

What am I supposed to do?

Who am I supposed to be now?

 

*********************************

 

See, this is how I can get

when I think about

motherhood as being

my only purpose on this earth.

 

But surely there must be more

to any life,

MY life

than merely reproducing.

 

I know I am not alone

in this struggle -- women throughout

history have wondered what

good they are if they cannot

bear children. I am fortunate at least

that I live in a time when

there is somewhat less of a stigma

for a barren woman.

 

Barren. Nulliparous. Never-pregnant.

 

Such negative terms. No wonder it's difficult to find a

meaningful, positive outlook

after learning there will be no

child from my womb.

 

 

M. Anna Hanson

19 March 2001