St. Patrick and St. Patrick's Day Toasts!!!

JOKE
This Irish guy shows up in a pub one day and orders three pints of Guinness. He takes sips from each glass until they are empty and calls the bartender for three more. The bartender says, "hey, pal, I don't mind bringing one at a time, then they'll be fresh and cold."

"Nah... ahm preferrin' that ya bring 'em three at a time. You see, me and me two brothers would meet at a pub and drink and have good times. Now one is in Australia, the other in Canada and I'm here. We agreed before we split up that we'd drink this way to each other's honor."

"Well," says the bartender, "that's a damn good sentimental thing to do. I'll bring the pints as you ask."

Well, time goes on and the Irishman's peculiar habit is known and accepted by all the pub regulars. One day, the Irishman comes in and orders only two pints. A hush falls over the pub. Naturally, everyone figures something happened to one of the brothers. A bunch of the regulars corner the bartender and finally persuade him to find out what happened.

With a heavy heart, the bartender brings the two pints and says, "Here's your pints... and let me offer my sincerest condolences. What happened?"

The Irishman looks extremely puzzled for a moment. When the light comes on in his head, he starts laughing. "No, no! 'Tis nothing like that. You see, I've given up drinking for Lent."



JOKE
An Irishman, Englishman and Scottsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.

The Scottsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"



May your neighbors respect you,
trouble neglect you,
angels protect you,
and heaven accept you!
--Jack Kelly (a she, not a he), Mississippi



May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty.
--Brian Dunn



Irish curse:
Morning screams to you.
--Gena Pixley



Irish curse:
Cold days and nights without a fire to you.
--Gena Pixley



May you get all your wishes but one
so you always have something to strive for!



Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
--Corrie Ten Boom



Here's to thee and me and aw' on us!
May we ne'er want nought, none of us!
Neither thee nor me nor anybody else,
Aw on us--nawn on us.
--Phil Wade



God speed the Plow and bless the Cornmow.
--Phil Wade



God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn't rule the world!



Merry met, and merry part,
I drink to thee with all my heart.
--Phil Wade



Work is the curse of the drinking class.
--Oscar Wilde



Moderation is a fatal thing-- nothing succeeds like excess.
--Oscar Wilde



We are all of us in the gutter.
But some of us are looking at the stars.
--Oscar Wilde



Bless you and yours
As well as the cottage you live in.
May the roof overhead be well thatched
And those inside be well matched.



Get on your knees
and thank the Lord
you're on your feet.
--Paul McCullough



"It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow then to spend tonight like there's no money."
--P.J. O'Rourke



An Irishman's Philosophy:

There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.

But if you are sick, there are two things to worry about: Either you will get well or you will die. If you get well, then there is nothing to worry about.

But if you die, there are two things to worry about: Either you will go to heaven or you will go to hell. If you go to heaven, then you have nothing to worry about.

But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with all your friends, then you won't have time to worry!



Here's to the four hinges of society.
May you fight, steal, lie and drink.
When you fight, may you fight for your country. When you steal, may you steal away from bad company. When you lie, may you lie at the side of your sweetheart. And when you drink, may you drink with me.

--Stan Preskitt