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THE LUMBER JACKS

Me'n Ol' Tubby Joe Stottlemeyer didn't have nuthin' to do one
summer so we decided we'd go out west and make us some money.  You
see, it wuzn't much money to be made there in Watson where we come
from.
     We caught us a ride into Dumas and got ourselves on the bus at
just about sundown.  Folks, that sun must'a set on us a half a dozen
times 'fore we got off the thing there in Eugene, which is up in
Oregon.
     When we got on that bus in Dumas we thought we knowed everthin'.
When we got off that thing, we had done found out we didn't know
nuthin'.
     We must'a walked around that bus station for an hour or more
'fore we got up enough nerve to ask somebody if they knowed where a
couple'a ol' boys could get a job.  Well, as luck would have it, the
first feller we asked knowed a man up at a little town called
Southerly and he wuz hirin' people to cut logs.
     "Did you ever cut logs before?" He asked Ol' Tubb.
     "We shore have.  We been cuttin' logs 'bout all our lives," Tubb
answered.
     Lordy mercy, we ain't never cut nuthin' but pulp wood before and
not too much'a that.
     Anyhow, we got on another bus and went to Southerly.  The phone
number that ol' boy at the bus station give us wuz a good'un 'cause we
had us a job 'fore the day wuz over.
     On the next day at about sunup we went out to the woods and we
wuz ready.
     "Do you boys know how to scale logs," the straw boss asked us.
     "Shore we do," Tubb said.
     Ohhhhhh meeeeee, I ain't never heard tell of scalin' no logs.
The only thing I knowed about scales wuz them we used to weigh cotton
on, and I don't think that's what the boss had on his mind.
     Well, we cut a few ol' trees down and trimmed'em up purty good.
We even had the boss thinkin' that just maybe we would learn enough to
get through the day without killin' somebody.  He even left us there
by ourselves and went off summer's else.  He should'a never done that.
     We come up on a purty good lookin' tree that Ol' Tubb decided we
ought'a cut down. The only thing wrong with it wuz that it wuz
standin' there next to a bob wire fence.  That rascal wuz even leanin'
toward that fence more than just a little bit.
     Now, that fence didn't bother me all that much.  It wuz that
zillion volt high power 'lectric line runnin' along there that purty
much had my attention.  I knowed that thing wuz alive 'cause I could
hear it'a singin'.
     "Tubb," I told him after we'd been sawin' on the thing a while.
"That tree is goin' to fall on that 'lectric line".
     "Naw, it ain't," he insisted.  "Just keep on pullin' that saw."
     "The least we can do is put a wedge in there and help it fall the
other direction."
     He didn't want to put no wedge in there, and it didn't fall the
other direction.  It fell on the 'lectric line is where it fell.
     Folks, it wuz sparks jumpin' everwhere. That 'lectric line fell
itself across that bob wire fence and it wuz sparks runnin'
theirselves up the side'a that mountain for a quarter mile or more.
The only thing that kept us from settin' the woods on fire wuz the
rain they had the night before.
     "What we goin' to do now, Tubb?," I wuz yellin.
     Shoot, it wuzn't no need for me to worry 'bout nuthin' like that.
The boss come runnin' hisself up 'bout that time and he wuz madder'n a
wet settin' hen.  He wuz tellin' us what to do and it wuzn't no doubt
in anybody's mind about that.  He'd yell a while and then he'd stomp
around a while.  I think he might'a even cussed just a little bit.  Ol
' Tubb had done run hisself off down the trail a piece so the man
wuzn't lookin' at nobody but me.
     "You're fired!"
     I'll swear, that man must'a been a football coach summers  'fore
he started messin' with them trees.  I ain't never heard nobody yell
that loud before.
     Sumpin' must'a happened to that 'lectric line 'cause it wuzn't
puttin' out no more sparks.  The ol' boss had done run out'a breath,
and I could see Ol' Tubb sneakin' hisself back over toward where we
wuz.
     "You got three minutes to get out'a my sight," the boss said with
what must'a been 'bout his last breath.
     Tubb just couldn't let it alone.  "Does that mean we ain't
gettin' paid?"

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THE LIZARD

     It wuz plumb up in the heat of the day when I decided that I had
done had 'bout all that cotton patch I could stand...for a little
while anyhow.
     I had done throwed my hoe across my shoulder and headed for the
shade when I run up on Ol' Tubby Joe Stottlemeyer settin' there in the
shade of a piss elum tree at the end of them cotton patch rows.  He
wuz deep in thought.
     "What'ye doin' Tubb", I asked him.
     "I'm studyin' nature, that's what I'm doin", he responded.
     "Studyin' nature", I asked.
     "Yeah, I'm studyin' nature.  What I do best is study, you know."
     "What in the world are you studyin' out here in the heat of the
day, Tubb?"
     "Well, I'm studyin' that lizard over yonder", he said.
     He pointed out a few yards away and sure enough a lizard wuz
standin' out there in the hot sun.
     "If'ye look real close, you can see that lizard standin' there
with his left hind foot off the ground and with his right front foot
off the ground."
     "Yeah, I shore can see that, Tubb.  It ain't no doubt that's what
he's doin'."
     "If'ye look at him now he's got his right hind foot off the
ground and his left front foot off the ground.  What he's doin' is
keepin' them feet out of the hot sand in order to cool'em off."
     "I reckon'ye must be right, Tubb.  I can't see no other reason he
'd be doin' that."
     "Yeah, I know I'm right on that.  What I'm studyin' on now is
just how hot does that ground have to get 'fore that lizard picks up
all four feet at the same time."
     I thought on that one a while and then I said, "It's gettin'
purty hot out here, Tubb.  Maybe we'd better go to the house.
Bill Covey
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